The Queue

Travel on a flight? especially the all so no nonsense Jet Airways with its ‘Business traveler’ with their ubiquitous lap tops and their all so busy lives that they cant even spare eye contact for the next person despite the fact that they can smell their neighbour’s expensive deodorant, hear them taking in those raspy breaths and guessing just what kind of food do they prefer? And because I have been treated many a time the same way- I now have learnt to give the world err the Jet traveller back his ( the ‘hers’ are different) due. But as I noticed , on a recent flight- we can all be just as common as the man who openly scratches his b…ls while waiting for his next overcrowded bluen line bus ,( apparently it – the scratching must be the most effective use of time coz one sees a whole lot of them doing that, I cannot profess to having experienced the satisfaction of using time so effectively..)

Seat belt lights were off- and with as much dignity as one could muster, I walked to the loo at the end of the aisle. (Alas –its still economy) . the queue had built up-I was 7th in the line and I stood, juust a little carefully. Feet away from one another so that I could maintain balance ( After all that damn dieting- I still have heavy bones () and since there was no dashing dude nearby, had to be doubly careful). The line had the ingredients of a potboiler – a 17 year old pretty nubile thing, a young handsome man, a 50 yearish man with a weird hairy wart near his eyebrow and… you get the flow. So after I had waited a whole 2 minutes ( that’s a tick tock of 120 secs and man, when you gotta go- you gotta go!) , the door still hadn’t opened for a change of guard – the girl, like many of her generation- voiced rather shreekily: ‘ What are they doing in there?’ I was a little taken aback – like many of MY generation, I have been reared with a mind set of ‘anticipate and accept’ - so the question hadn’t even arisen in my mind but her shrill, petulant declaration ( since she was 1st in the line, I assume it must have been a far longer tick tock for her!) did set of a trail of thoughts’ “I hope there is something interesting happening there.. like 2 lovers who cant keep their hands off one another, or is someone just so depressed that they cant even muster up the energy to get their backsides up & about, or has someone discovered this rather annoying zit on their face that they must examine rather closely after having suitably got the right facial stretch in place, ...”

Unfortunately, the girl didn’t get any immediate response but the ‘liners’ did relax just a little bit- shift in body weight from one foot to the other, loosen the shoulder blades, and finally smile- there is nothing more unifying than the understanding that Maslow needs hierarchy does make sense – atleast at a base level. While we waited rather patiently- we got talking and linked up as an ordinary Indian , having been brought up on diets of ‘its good to know people’, does. Politics was the hot thing, the trust vote was holding the entire nation in abeyance, and Singh must have been biting his nails to still become King. Indian Cricket – like a spoilt child who knows how to throw a tantrum and get attention, had once again made its way to everyone attention, the weather – travelers from Delhi to Bengaluru seem to get a perverse pleasure in knowing that they leave behind some humid, warm sticky weather- the Delhi citizen while he cannot live without his Pandara Road butter chicken is probably the loudest. I smiled and bonded with everyone around and the pressures of the ….waiting and the flight seemed more bearable.

I have travelled in so many modes of transport – 2nd class train, blue line, white line, pre paid autos and taxis and had become habituated to the perpetual queues that exist for everything in our over crowded nation. How many emotions did I experience there- despair for just missing an empty bus, anxiety coz an seemingly decent middle aged uncle was getting too close and a complete sense of accomplishment for stamping quite effectively on his toes, anger when someone would barge into a line, overwhelming joy when the temperamental Dilli auto wallah agreed to take me at my price, ….. Sometimes the queue forced us to bond, sometimes it was about proving and asserting one’s authority, many a other time it was testing your own endurance and patience... At the end of the day the discussions would border around the very same topics that occupy most Indian mindspace…politics, weather, cricket, prices, …only the spice levels would be different.

The efficient and bearably pleasant hostess realized that there was a problem and knocked rather assertively on the door and we sheepishly acknowledged that the loo had been vacant all that time. It was back to business as usual.

Why Dard E disco?

After the last blog, a friend emailed me and asked me : Why name your blog Dard E Disco??
Strange no one else asked me. Anyways , I shall tell this story coz its...waiting to be told.
Did you see our SRK thrusting away in that song? Wasnt he something ? I am no big fan of his, but was totally blown away by how he reinvented himself in that song. A 40 year old man-with the 6 pack, all chiseled perfectly- as much as the camera must have worked on him, I am sure that he must have worked like a maniac to get that body- succesfully at that. In my opinion, it takes a lot of balls to do that- he made a statement like "There is no one like me, I am good , (wo)man & I know it'

What about me- well after a long long time in my life - probably felt it last when I was a baby, I finally feel that I dont need to constantly prove myself to people around me. I finally feel confident about WHATEVER I do, I finally feel that my house is OK, my life is OK, my looks are OK ( actually more than that), my hubby is OK, my kids are THE BEST, my parents, sister all are OK, my maid is OK ( thats a big one) , my job is OK etc etc- and whats more I feel like standing on the roof of my 15 floor building and shouting- Hey guys , I have had this epiphany- I AM OK. Like Really OK. ' So I started writing this silly blog - rant and rave whatever. I really dont need to put a personna any more- I can bare it all- still figuratively though and tell the world : 'This is me people' happy, sad, anxious, disappointed, whatever- I am OK.

Dont you want to toast to that ?

The Truth is greater than the facts – AAM AADMI

Dr. Rajesh Talwar’s release from jail has given a lot of people some work to do. There is Barkha Dutt, who once again, can prove on National Television how she has can influence ‘aam aadmi’s life’ (she has incidentally been voted as the 8th-9th most powerful woman in the world, on some AXN TV show) as she makes an emphatic point on ‘Do we agree that the media has played a wrong role in this case’. Her brethren , frankly for want of anything better to do, ( who are constantly jostling for mind space with us so called intellectuals, consequently hoping for positive increase in advertising revenues) passionately join in the circus, …then there is this ‘aam aadmi’ as a part of the same exhibition. He ( or she- for the politically sensitive) sits there and self righteously argues on the Noida police, UP police or some other body that needed to do a better job in the first place. ‘Talwar should sue for defamation- these ineffective police fellows deserve it.’ As you would have guessed, in my current cynical phase in life, this Aam aadmi is going to be the object or damn it, subject of my blog.

Don’t you just love this aam aadmi? He behaves all virtuous, has a justification – all externalized, for almost everything that happens or doesn’t happen in his life. It could be any case in point- be it his child’s education, the state of the roads, how this country is not being run well, the state of cricket & those ugghh –mercenary cricketers playing for IPL ( imagine – its corrupting minds & spoiling the gentleman’s game) , the Nuclear deal, the Ambani feud & god help us – Dr. Rajesh Talwar’s case. To me AAM AADMI is perfection- He has perfected the art of manipulation, deceit & worse still- now lives in a complete delusionary world.

Lets look at the Talwar case & its inappropriate handling by the Noida police. I am not going into the details here- essentially a middle class person with a long established dental practice, wife & 14 year old daughter, was accused of murdering his daughter ( Aarushi) - to who incidentally , just the night before, he had just gifted a video camera for her forthcoming birthday.. Based on prima facie , ridiculously concoted stories & evidence, Talwar was arrested by the Noida police. He was released after spending 50 days in jail after the CBI had duly investigated and found some other fellas to blame.

My favorite AAm Aadmi quickly jumped at this chance to articulate everyone else’s opinion but his own. There were all sorts of opinions “what has the world come to? Talwar had an affair with his long time family friend, his daughter was upset & he killed her" Or some other bull shit like this. I watched aghast at their reactions, interacted and ineffectively argued with a lot of my colleagues who all had opinions on the case and were dying to find out what kind of a heinous man this Talwar was ..'This is true kalyuga’ Meanwhile, nowhere did the media actually say that Talwar had or not had committed the crime. They did their job- presented facts for both the sides- yeah with a little drama thrown in. On the other hand, I think the media had a huge hand to play in the escalation of the case to CBI

Come on , people- get real with me. Are you choosing to deliberately ignore some obvious facts STARING at you right there in the face or have you just become too lazy to even bother? Cant you make your own judgements any more? Look at the facts- Talwar was arrested by the Noida police- the same agency who had made a complete mess of the Nithari murders, they didn’t find the body of Talwar’s servant for 3 whole days- all the time the body was lying on the terrace, the law & order situation at Noida ( or rather, the lack of it) is apparent for everyone to see but still- you chose to go with THEIR INTERPRETATION of the story. I cried myself hoarse- at the lunch cafeteria, dining table, friends- how can a father kill his daughter in these circumstances. Its not making sense- for those who listened to his wife’s interview of NDTV- there were still a few people who didn’t lack conviction- He couldn’t have done it. But most of us- waited, like a hyena- waiting for the lion to have its fill- waited on the fringes , waiting to fill themselves with the leftovers- in this case, whatever is the emerging reality- whatever is presented to them on a platter.

Being a quintessential aam aadmi myself , I mostly like to keep myself aloof from such moments of truth, However, it disturbs & pains me that while we indignantly go on with our lives, we conveniently ignore the inconvenient facts that confront us and then lament , mourn the entire world for our own misfortunes . Then at an opportune time, make our pathetic presence known by rallying around some newly realized truth- that incidentally was ALWAYS there for all to see. We sign up for teach india campaigns , we blog, we hold sabhas, discussions – all to justify our own foolishness in the first place.

O Aam aadmi- help me out here, help me understand- what is the legacy we are leaving behind for our children- what are we teaching to them? Why are we forgetting our conscience, why do we forget that I still can influence my own life, why do I forget that I don’t necessarily need to sign up for campaigns or participate in rallies to deal with our own bewilderement.. as Talwar begs & asks to be left alone to belatedly mourn his young daughter’s death, ….Talwar was not defamed by the incompetent governing authorities- it’s the AAm AAdmi in you & me, who must take the responsibility of defaming him and in the process., ourselves..

For Mimi & Ta :

After a hot ( whew!) date on Friday night , nursing a bad hangover the whole of Saturday, I woke unto a beautiful June Sunday morning. A light shower, people out in their balconies, staring wistfully outside (?), the atmosphere was just right to settle in for the proverbial garam chai & pakodas. Considering that I pay top dollar (this is MBA jargon for ’Ouch, that payment hurts’) to be told by my very sweet dietician all the stuff I must not eat as I try valiantly to hide my age, pakodas were ruled out!. As I nuzzled my cup of chai, the 2 concrete manifestations of my contributions to the world- arre baba - my children ( I have become more cocky about my writing skills , therefore I am constantly looking for how to make the simple more complicated) were scampering around. This was a golden opportunity to spend quality time with them and operate guilt free for the rest of the week. I am the eternal optimist & will seize any such opportunity…So Mimi (2 yrs 3 mths), Ta ( 3 yrs, 5 months) –wearing raincoats & Mama ( I don’t like to remind myself) – wearing attitude, stepped down to get wet in the rain. Hubby dearest, despite ALL temptations, would rather prefer his Sunday morning newspaper!.

And we ran, got drenched, splashed in the muddy puddles, intently observed the earthworms struggling , removed chappals & stamped in the sticky lawn & We SANG. We sang aloud- all songs that we could possibly- Raindrops on Roses, Singin in the Rain, Gulzar’s Mera Kuch Saaman ( you remember that line- Ek Akeli Chatri mein jo aadhe aadhe bheeg rahe the?- What could possibly be more romantic than that?). We sang, we laughed, we shouted- people in their balconies were now worriedly concerned about something that is no business of theirs anyway- what consequences would this have on my children’s health? Though, some of them looked at us indulgently- sharing our joy & our pure ability to live in the moment!. Yes, my children did end up with runny noses & red eyes. Yes- they are still not completely recovered physically. But let a light shower happen- they get excited & shout- chalo mama, chalo! And they have had a happy week.

Becoming a parent is the most difficult transition I have had to make in my life- the responsibility of turning out a healthy baby, the responsibility of ensuring that they get a good education & turn out to be good, solid human beings, responsibility of not ingraining any permanently damaging complexes, the list goes on. So what is that I want them to grow up with – Good education, good morals, good values, good lifestyles? Sure- yes. But I am more concerned about my children’s health & their well being than most of the balconiewallas thought. I want them to grow up with a sense of freedom, of being able to make choices that will make them happy, of being able to seize a moment & enjoy it to the fullest, of creating happy NOWs, that will hold them in good stead whenever they face the problems, sadness & disappointments that they will necessarily face as life goes on.

Becoming a parent is also about realizing that we needn’t chase goals, better houses, better jobs et al to be happy. In fact, its about knowing that time moves on & we can seize it by being child like & experience the exhilarating joy that only children are capable of.
So Jagjit Singh –of the Who Kagaz ki Kashti, woh baarish ka paani, mujhe lauta do woh bachpan ke din, fame- I do understand what you mean, but I have decided to get my bachpan back- I am making a choice.

I hope you make yours too.

Love

Bhavna

Where did my Sanity go?

A policy is a deliberate plan of action to guide decisions and achieve rational outcome(s). While law can compel or prohibit behaviors (e.g. a law requiring the payment of taxes on income) policy merely guides actions toward those that are most likely to achieve a desired outcome.

I’m running- faster & faster, along with my husband, each of us furiously clutching one child. Trying to escape from the devil – he grins beckoningly but I am just overwhelmed by the feeling that I MUST escape. I woke up – instinctively reaching out for the children. They were sleeping soundly; hubby darling had his hand protectively around both of them. (Just to let you know what an epitome of motherhood I am - I take a whole blanket for myself & he shares his with BOTH the kids). My heartbeat slowly settled down but I was unable to get back to sleep immediately. As I lay there ruminating as to what the nightmare meant, I thought of a couple of unrelated incidents that had impacted me in the last few days.

Last week Times of India carried a news article about a tribal man (Ram Singh Munda) in Orissa, who has been arrested a few days ago. Ram Singh with all innocence had befriended a sloth bear more than a year ago. He fed it & treated the bear like a child. Obviously by now, the bear had become an extension of the family. After the authorities discovered the crime (?) they promptly took the ‘right’ action- action that the law of the land demands. The man was arrested, the bear is in captivity in a zoo, the man’s motherless 6 year old daughter is with some relatives. Consequences : The bear is refusing to eat , because , as per experts, it is pining for the family. The man is probably confused as to where did he go wrong & the daughter- god knows how the staying with relatives would turn out?? Is anyone happy? Have we achieved the desired outcome ?

Let me get closer home. My domestic part timer help declared her 1st pregnancy 8 weeks ago. Promptly started bunking work too. So on a Saturday, ( that’s when I make contact with all my personal supply chain ) , after I had perfunctorily congratulated her, I asked her how long would she be able to offer her ‘whole hearted commitment’. Few weeks later, as I was preparing to replace her I heard that she had miscarried. As tears streamed out, when I offered her my condolences on last Saturday, I thought of whether I could have saved her this grief- by ensuring that in the earlier days of pregnancy her diet was sufficient. But being a rationale human being I did question myself for questioning myself- was I really wrong? I was only following a policy that is so the norm these days - ‘never extend yourself for the good of the domestic helpers, their loyalties are less than of a …..’ Was either of us happy? What was the desired outcome of the policy?

I passionately train ‘new managers’ to be ‘leaders’ & tell them that Leadership is sometimes about taking unpleasant decisions , more so if the decision is in favour of the customer/organization vis a vis the employee- company policy is the norm!. The newer managers question me outraged, the more experienced ones smile cynically- I get away with ‘ Lets not forget that we work for an organization- where policies have been drafted for a reason- Ah no- the correct terminology is rationale.

In my profession, I interact with a wide variety of people who have high IQ, are capable of earning good money for themselves & organizations, but are incapable of taking an informed decision based on facts combined with common sense. They would rather refer to some outdated policy drafted in with a different context, relevant for a different need. So what if the decision based on the policy is unpleasant for all? So what if the policy itself needs questioning? So what if team members leave the company because of indiscriminate implementation of policies?

Have we become so indoctrinated into a world of rules that we no longer feel the need to apply our own judgment at situations? Or is it that we have forgotten how to? Is it becoming such a challenge to start seeing each situation specifically & applying our own common sense to arrive at a course of action? Or must we follow the rules/ policies simply because they exist? Is anyone happy? Are we achieving the desired outcomes?
I don’t have any readymade answers but I do know that the more that I see of the world, the more I realize I also know that the devil is snapping at our heels & will catch up with us soon if we are not able to catch up with using our common sense.