The Maid...saga

( this one is really on popular demand)

‘yeh to sab ke jindagi ki problem hai, you gotta face it, there have to be awards instituted for this, mine is driving me crazy, I’ve finally got one in place so my life is in order…’ yep- its maid management this time. I really thought it was so banal but no…all women and most men perk up in hope of any guidance. (I assume wife’s current satisfaction with the house help is directly proportional to how much of the male physiological needs are met).

OK – Asha is a pretty Nepalese 17 year old- you know the kind of pretty to whom you gave your kurta to , coz it made you look like a dowdy, fat, middle aged woman ( look at your birth certificate woman) but on her –WOW!. She manages to look even prettier and carries it off with aplomb. So mom in law nudges me disapprovingly ( this was gift that MY dear sister gave , I am not wasting your son’s hard earned money..)
Anyways- let me get to the point. Asha came to me 4 months ago- all delicate and charming. The kids loved her, my bedspreads were always perfectly spread. ( like a 5 star hotel , as I flatteringly told her), she is pleasant and can be dragged along anywhere you go – no social embarrassments, she feeds the kids far better than I can , she makes wonderful chai.. at kids birthday parties she always managed to get the choicest gifts out of the khoyee bags …therefore, was willingly forgiven for all the breakages, the pilfering of the cream biscuits, audacity that she constantly shows to me ( ahem..the maalkin of the house).

Around 2 weeks ago, as we hit the bed, with the weariness of knowing that time remorselessly ticks on, our son conspiratorially told my hubby that there was a secret to be told , however, mama could not be privy to it else Didi would stop talking to him. (Like all kids of his generation- Ta knows that Didis are his lifeline) With all innocence he went on to introduce ‘Molu’ –Didi’s boyfriend and related some over the balcony love exchanges as well. I listened, seething with rage- trying not to intervene and investigate aka Agatha Christie but letting the LORD do his Watson bit by asking some completely irrelevant questions. ‘Bachcha – you were in the balcony, what were you eating at that time? (Huhhhhh??) When I confronted her the next morning- the perfectly plausible explanation was ‘mera gaon wala hai’. I was overjoyed and overwhelmed- no matter to still hit the panic button ( Dhuuhhhhh ?????)

So I chose to believe the bullshit she was feeding me. Till the Security Guard Head, called me up just a few days ago and updated me on the love affair. Visits to one another’s house ( my house is mine only while I am in the midst of changing maids or when they are on leave) , lets go drink pepsi together ( I think that’s so sweet) , make STD calls, bitch about Didi and her hysterics-they attained perfect rapport moving their little indiscretion ahead to perhaps some sleazy end or perhaps who knows- …

Desperate as I was to retrieve the situation and yet retain her and still give vent to all the anger that was simmering. I outdid my dramatic self this week. Picture this scene ..Didi, choti didi ( sisters are always there ) and Asha in the kitchen – all of us squatting. (This is a synopsis of the 6 hour discussion)

Me: Asha, kya baat hai, tu to achi ladki hai. Ladki ki izzat kaanch jaise hai, once broken- not mendable. Tumhari maa sunegi to kya kahegi. Aadmi jaat bahut kharab hai. Main bhi aurat hoon, mujhe pata hai ..( Kader Khan probably has more finesse.)

Sister: zyaada gadbad ki to police mein pahuncha denge. Woh ladka bad boy hai. ( Me looks at her imploringly –just listen to your older sister, don’t TALK)

The protagonist : I will see , I am old enough to decide what to do. Kaam mein to koi problem nahin hain ?
Coz she is so right, we retire sheepishly and I end up eating crow as usual.

Somehow Lord showed his utility and got Monu (not Molu) chased out of the condominium. As per the Lord he is handsome, smart, chikna ( at B school - this is the term that most ‘hardcore’ Engineering grads used for friendlier DU boys and usually implies that the ‘chikna’ is far more savvy at getting the woman of his choice). Asha is back to her efficient self, just a little melancholy (that pulls at my heart strings each time) and what a relief.., is once again freely helping herself to the imported chocolates.
Me ??? I wake up just a little earlier these days, nudge Asha gently up from her 9 hour sleep, clear the house before I leave for work, then compliment her on how the house is looking as pretty as she is and stand in front of Krishnaji, Ramji, Vishnuji, Devi mata ji, guru ji, - and pray fervently –

Our Father
Who art in Heaven and like my mom told me- always ready to help.
Please let Asha be there when I come back from work,
Please make her happy and pleased,
Please let the children love her even more,
Please give me some more physical energy to help her,
Please give me any other suggestion that will make her life more bearable,
Please God- forgive me for any wrong I have done unto her
Please God- help her in getting over this unbearable pain.
Please god please…let her be there when I get back from work.

Any suggestions, prayers, sympathies, advice, are welcome. I could collate all and send it out as a ‘101 tips to retain your maid’ …

India wins first Olympic Gold

For a nation, which seemingly, isnt involved in sports development - it is just amazing to see how people are feeling a sense of pride that Abhinav Bindra has given to all Indians today. I have just heard the news of India winning its first Individual category gold ever>...and people are congratulating one another. Its a good way to start a new week- one that celebrates our 61st independence day too.
Abhinav Bindra- till today, i had vaguely heard your name mentioned here and there- but congratulations, you are going to be etched in history and in a lot of our minds and hearts.

DISAPPOINTEMENT

I can never get the spelling of disappointment right- NEVER. I always have to rely on spell check or hope that the other person reading is not finicky. I wonder if that’s some sort of indication of my nature as well ? I rarely get disappointed for long; I have a way working myself out of it. Every damn time, I see some stupid silver lining, cling onto that wispy trail and unfailing climb out of any potentially depressing situation. Then I get ridiculously flippant and banish my sadness away with my Mama’s favourite line ‘ Its all for the better, beta, God is Very kind and has a better plan’ ( mostly a couple of Snickers bars , beer and a good pedicure work better than God’s plan ).

Well people, God and neither you are very kind. Now I can accept and understand that God apparently doesn’t know his way through the complexities of the blogging world but all you educated , well meaning people – is it so difficult to leave a comment on the damn blog? The instructions are written in simple, easy to understand English and I do know (from all the email comments that I receive) that the intentions are there too. So if the performance matrix - combination of commitment- competence, (trainer funda finds it way …) is in place, what is the problem? Let me give you a sample of some:

· Hubby dear – I want to write something serious and not frivolous, I promise I shall soon. . he hasn’t read my blog for the last 15 days, he is treading on VERRRY dangerous ground( he therefore is not on my current ‘People I like’ list, he falls out of that list pretty often)
· Old batch mates – O I love reading your blog, especially the Dard E disco part, you are so honest … will comment soon (I have atleast managed to prove a point to them, don’t ask me what? I am still figuring it out)
· Little sister – Come on ya, your last few blogs have been so serious, so boring.. ( coercion of the ‘I am your older sister’ and you better love/respect me kind – has resulted in a few comments) Behna-I hope u are happier with this one.
· Society best * friend – Which one do you want me to comment on? ( wail , bahhh … o please- ANY actually each one will do..)
· New colleagues (especially team mates)- Bhavna, you write so well, ( I ask- so what do you think about Policies- they stare back blankly at me )
· Old friends – arre what nonsense you write about- why don’t you write something more intelligent like Leadership training ( Why do you think that I took up Leadership training in the first place- its no rocket science and is completely apt for a stupid fool like me )

Every day- I open my blog site, DARD E DISCO, with great hope (an old found friend has been telling me quite vehemently these days ‘expectations create complications and disappointments’ yes I AGREE.. ) and face disapointment (damn the spelling) EVERYDAY. The begging with friends has led to those ikka dukka comments, but I stand where I was… Apparently the average, random blogger still does not find my writings amusing /interesting/thought provoking or has still not discovered me or my entertaining writing. ( If I had an anonymous blog maybe I could have posted a ‘daring ’ picture of one of these adult movie stars under ‘Profile’- cant post mine, people would be run away).
But…. All my friends, fellow bloggers, colleagues, new friends, people I hardly know but I mark this email to … I know you’all love me or my writing – I believe it makes you laugh, some of the women say that I could become a some woman lib person, some of the other people say- that some things I write are quite sensible ( the boss does a fantastic job of constantly motivating me) , others say that I can pen my thoughts quite well and I have good flow (J) .. most of the times the blog atleast entertain them. Also- 2 of my best friends* ( *we women have a lot of best friends- they fit into different categories) who are writers have dependably given me strong support, encouragement ( Apparently I have the neurotic thinking of a writer.. THAT’S a COMPLIMENT, as she painstakingly explained to me )
So despite the dispointment (damn!) I have found a silver lining as usual- I have rediscovered a new me after I have started writing- what a fantastic way of communicating, connecting and reaching out to many people .., So because I know that most of you like my ranting – please find yourself honored to receive my email blogs ( there must be some appropriate term coined for this) once again.

I will not let my only independent creation die down


Cheers!!
I have no clue as to how to handle Dard e Disco , advice is solicited or time will tell..SRK yeh hasina, yeh neelampari …Haaye Dil Mein Bechainiya Hai Bhari, what advice do u have, I can be available in person for any words that you may utter…