I C -52
A number that is your identity for the last 8 years and poof- it will be gone in 4 days. Restart address proofs, guards, friends, children's friends- Your life revolves around it- its just 4 walls but it’s the home that gave you everything…2 children, peace and a lot of turbulence that helped you grow into what you are today. I want to see the future and know that it will be better but there is just nothing to stop the tears welling to my eyes repeatedly.
And then I understand why grandparents always had ridiculous attachments’ to houses- coz they were filled with memories. Each corner of the house is reminiscent of some emotion. Bathrooms – anger!! Hubby never got the leaking taps done on time and they were never clean enough. Bathrooms- accomplishment coz the day you washed them yourself they shone like a baby’s bum. Intense , painful joy of when and where your son took the first step and fear of the corner where your daughter got her forehead hurt. Comfort from the falsely derived security of having your cook, dhobhi, grocer all around. Cheerfulness – from the south facing balcony that allowed you to enjoy lazy and sunny winter days. Little joys of bringing in something new that looked just perfect on the wall. The tarmac which was the walking path for all- where I made and lost many friends. The lawn – wickedness where many gossip sessions were revelled in. Kitchen – where you grew as a person and hopefully, as a cook. Where motherhood is tested every day as my son appeals to me to make some blondies and pancakes. Potent frustration – you have lost count of the maids that you couldn’t retain. Family reunions – laughing and eating and all revelry. The Diwali melas of senseless and once a year socialising with neighbours.
And effort in all that has gone into making the house a home- the yellow kitchen and how much I wanted the red chilli handles and how I settled for the golden capsicums ( visit to Chandni Chowk included). The puja cupboard that Mom designed perfectly; where I have spent many intense moments praying for a child, a job, calmness and some sense into the hubby! My bedroom which seemed the only haven for my sanity when too many guests were around.The bedroom door that banged everytime the balcony door was left open- how many maids have been told the cost of repairing the crumbling wall. The balcony where I would spend hours in with my son so that he could have 3 mouthfulls of khichdi and the concentrated discussions with other moms- would he ever outgrow this all?And how the house grew bigger as the children came into our lives and then too tiny to accommodate us all. Where will the bats and the skates go? Don’t play football in the lobby…where will the kids sleep when guests are around? I need a shoe cupboard for my daughter and me .
Everything is comfortable and familiar and I will be shaken. Much more than I can fathom. I will cope and enjoy the gold walls in my stunning new house. I will have a larger and sunny kitchen and more bedrooms and more space. But ‘ I C baawan’ you are my first. And you are special.
The void writes back
1 week ago